Ah, the best laid plans! I had what I consider a good week, but haven’t seen the results I’d like. I didn’t binge or really even over-eat, but sadly, made very little progress. I’ve lost 5 ounces. I’m eating my regular large Egg Beaters breakfast, a Reduced Guilt Chinese chicken salad from Trader Joe’s for lunch and a Lean Cuisine for dinner. I like these things, so the food choices haven’t been painful. I find that a packaged meal is easy for me and helps me with portion control. I have been snacking on some pork rinds in the afternoon, drinking 2 glasses of Rose’ and eating 1 or 2 Acai rolls(50 calories each) from Costco at night. I think I’m in an acceptable calorie range for weight loss. So, what’s holding me back?
I feel frustrated that what kept me gradually losing weight over the past couple of years and then kept me at a comfortable level of maintenance is not doing the trick any more. I don’t want to whine, but eating much less than this feels punitive. I’m fighting urges to either give up completely or go on starvation rations to get back to my low weight. Neither of these are healthy choices for me. I’m happy with the progress I made and don’t want to go back to a point where daily life was a struggle. I can walk stairs, fit in airline seats and wear clothes I like. I just don’t have the will to starve either. I believe in not taking on a program that I’m not willing to keep up as a lifestyle, forever.
I only exercised on 3 days this week so perhaps that explains it. I know I need the exercise, which right now is walking about 40 minutes at a moderate pace. My mental state improves and I sleep better if I’m moderately active. I love to think I’m doing some sort of “training” for future activities or trips. I want to feel strong and healthy.
I’m wondering if my slow progress is showing me that I’m not really making the healthy choices I think I am? Self deception is one of my struggles. When I weighed 246 pounds, I’d have days when I looked in the mirror and thought I looked just fine. While I strive for and hope to feel self love, being morbidly obese is not a place I want to be in. The plan for this week is to keep the food choices roughly the same and track what I eat in the MyPlate app. I’m committing to 5 days of exercise and we’ll see if I get a little better results. I’m thinking of making a mini goal of 184 pounds by my birthday, June 1. Onward!